A few of my friends were dragging me around the downtown mall earlier today, and pointed out this book to me: “How To Say ‘Fabulous!’ in 8 Different Languages - A Travel Phrase Book for Gay Men.” Wow. Obviously, I had to get it (if for no other reason than to show off to my friends, along with the book “The Abortion Handbook” which I got for a birthday present last year). So, my arm around Laura as I walked into the shop (obviously, I needed to present myself as straight while buying the book - pretending I had a girlfriend did the trick), I picked it up and took it to the register. There was only minimal hidden laughter from the cashier. We spent the next few hours looking through it.

This book is about the raciest thing I own, probably worse than the romance novels my mom gets from her sister in Fargo. Apart from the obvious (”fag hag,” “homophobia,” and “closet case”), there are also the more exotic phrases you might find useful on a trip to Japan (”Nice butt!” and “Can you put some suntan lotion on my back?”). Hundreds of words and phrases translated into French, German, Italian, Japanese, Portuguese, Russian, and Spanish. How helpful. Honestly, I wouldn’t feel comfortable reprinting some of these on any website… Though it’s very comprehensive. I suppose if you found yourself in Italy and wanted to go cruising (Vado a bettere in Italian) or get a feather boa (il boa di piume di struzzo) and some skintight pumps (le scarpe decollete attillato), you’d be all set. And you can’t go to Italy without asking “Just what is the Pope’s problem, anyway?” (Ma insomma, cosa c’ha il Papa?).

It can get kind of repetitive between the languages, but each section has phrases unique to that country about pop culture and activities found there. And I suppose they include words not normally found in travel phrase books… If you ever find yourself with a copy in front of you, it’s a funny thing to flip through. But until then, you’ll just have to continue to “feel like Shelley Winters in The Poseidon Adventure.”

Charlottesville High School’s class of 2008 has experienced many guest speakers over our past three years behind bars. One woman impersonated Zelda Fitzgerald (wife of the later author) for 90 minutes; another impersonated sperm that had been exposed to marijuana. Today, for the first time ever, we had someone talk to us as himself. Shawn Decker, author of the recent book My Pet Virus - about his experiences in living with HIV since he was a toddler.

Shawn was a wonderful speaker, and we were lucky to have him at our school. The passages he read from his book were some of the most humorous anecdotes I’ve heard in a long time, and as soon as I can drag myself to Barnes & Noble, I’ll definitely be picking up a copy.

He also said the most peculiar thing to me. As things were wrapping up, Shawn asked us if anyone was doing something interesting over the summer. I raised my hand and said I’d be attending Governor’s School (knowing that one of his first girlfriends had dumped him while at Governor’s School). I assured him, however, that I wouldn’t dump anyone while I was there. His response? That he was sure I wouldn’t do that to my girlfriend or boyfriend. Then he went on to talk about how interacting so much with the gay and lesbian community had taught him never to assume someone’s sexuality, and then some more about acceptance of homosexuals.

I thought to myself, “Is it that obvious that I’m gay…?” I mean, I had been thinking about where he bought his shirt (I’d kind of like one myself…), but it’s not like he could read my mind.

Coolest part about Shawn - he blogged about our class. Sweet.

Some observations on the differences between straight and gay individuals on Facebook:

• Straight, conservative males tend to be listed as married to another male.
• Straight females tend to be “married” to other females.
• Gay males tend not to list what gender they are “Interested In,” and are often listed as married to a female.

Do Facebook users even know how to tell the truth?

I was recently sent a clipping from the Fargo, North Dakota newspaper (The Forum) about a gay couple attending the Fargo South High School’s prom (that may be where my cousins go, actually…). Anyway, the couple - Jakob Paper and Steven Goering - got front page, headline coverage about the event, and while I applaud Fargo for being so open and accepting about this (at least in the media), I was kind of saddened by the whole story. It saddened me how posed the front page picture of the two holding hands was. It saddened me how the only gay couple open enough to go to prom together was exploited by the media, turning their senior prom into more of a public interest piece than a private one. It saddened me that this had to be front page news in the first place.

As a semi-active member of the independent media here in Charlottesville, I have mixed feelings about the entire issue. We see it in legal case after legal case: someone has to be exploited for progress to be made and change to happen. Why can’t we just let gay couples go to prom without making a big deal out of it? Within a decade or two, I honestly don’t think most [public] schools won’t have seen a gay couple at their prom. I also think this will happen whether or not we make such a big deal out of individual events such as this.

I will, however, applaud Jakob and Steven for taking this initiative in a mostly conservatives state. Plus, I really shouldn’t be criticizing The Forum for devoting half their front page to this story, when The Daily Progress just recently devoted and equal amount of headline space to a father and son jumping in a puddle…

InnerJoeJoe

So prom is less than a month away now, and apparently my boyfriend and I have already gotten a bunch of requests to go with groups of people to the event. I guess having a gay couple in your prom posse is some sort of achievement now? Or maybe it’s that no gay couple has gone to the CHS prom before, and people want in on a bit of that “fame,” as it is.

Either way, I’m not complaining. I figured I’d start the bidding at $25, work my way up from there. It’s only gonna happen once people - any offers?