So I just came back from the Cirque du Soleil event at the John Paul Jones Arena, which happened to be the first event there. Unfortunately, Charlottesville has seemed to take an interest in calling this wonderful area The Jack, instead of its rightful name, The John. In protest of this hideous permutation, I have compiled a list of statements about The John that will hopefully get more people to call it just that.

“Oh, it’s so wonderful that Cirque du Soleil came to Charlottesville for us. I think it’s an honor for them to be the first ones to go to the John.”

“Wow, with all those fog effects, it’s a good thing that The John has good ventilation.”

“Hmm, I’m planning on going to the arena in December. Do you think The John’s heated?”

“If I’d known the line to The John was this long, I’d have gotten here sooner!”

“We’re just so proud that Cirque du Soleil was able to open The John successfully.”

“The line to go to The John was quite long, considering no one from Charlottesville had ever been.”

“Whoa, what was that that just went into The John?”

“I love The John! First time I went, I stayed for hours!”

And you know how the exits on coliseums were called vomitoriums (they “spewed forth” the crowd)? Well, I was surprised that leaving the event went so smoothly, without any lines! “It’s never been so easy to vomit in The John!”

I sincerely apologize for the utter lack of maturity in that post.